kathryn.

738


so some big shit:

Just bought my ticket to california!  I leave june 23rd with lauren and i'm coming back june 30th.
I can't believe I bought plane tickets to LA. wtf.
We're going to a rave for her birthday, called EDC
www.electricdaisycarnival.com/la/index.html


Had a big fight with Jackie over 'considerate roommate rules'.
Long story short, she was in the wrong.  I just escaped last night, hung out with lauren and drank, then we went over to martinis to hang out with aldo.

Ended up dropping lauren off and going back to aldo's.
surprise, surprise... we're both back to square one after failed attempts at relationships with other people.
we talked about how we felt about our lives, ourselves, everything in between. we cried, made bad jokes, fell asleep. as just friends.  he's probably one of the best friends i have.
it's better than sleeping alone.

735


ok so ive had the best 24 hours ever. yet again
MIKE JONES CONCERT WAS SLAMMIN...
got lotsss of pictures.
www.facebook.com/album.php

then played quarters with mike and elias :)
woke up very happy and comfortable today.

found out my creative writing is gonna be featured in panam's "Gallery"

went to work for only two hours, it was very chill.
after work/after party on 17th street after the amf [another music festival]
drank at speakeasy and heard an amazing performer..
hooked back up with lauren at cine el rey, listened to the best dj i have ever heard. www.myspace.com/djztrip
he actually scratched records. i was duly impressed.
headed to boiler room, got in as a minor because of my badass bar contacts [pudding, bo, and my bosses]
hung out with the flesh crowd and a couple bosses. talked about mike jones' weed, work, music.
i did a killer impersonation of one of my bosses [this fuckin guyyyy]
and hung out like friends and just talked a bunch of shit.
i love my life right now.

733



inskeletonrock: you need a MAN
inskeletonrock: no more BOIZ
duthie411: yeah lol
duthie411: i think you would like ***** better
duthie411: hes the other one on my list
inskeletonrock: finally you have a list
inskeletonrock: instead of a
inskeletonrock: OH HEY YOU'RE AVAILABLE?
duthie411: lol
duthie411: hahahahhaahahhahahaha

732


next time you wanna leave,
im just gonna let you go.


Comparisons are easily done
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned

Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes

731


hearing about it sucks.
trying to forget it happened sucks.
but not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.

if i guard my heart, they get hurt.
if i open myself up to someone, i get hurt.
damned if i do, damned if i don't.


for someone that has been so deeply hurt...
and did nothing to deserve it,
he's awfully quick to do the same to me.
way to go. hope she was worth it.


*I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special*

730


list of future purchases:


camera
pipe
boots
jewelry for my industrial
more books
...


this is exactly why i need a written list.
i notice things i need to buy everyday but i get home and forget.
i will add as i think of more.

729


im sick of this meaningless bullshit.

i thought i was gonna go with the flow. screw that.
its much better to matter.

728



i had the raddest 30 hours of my LIFE from 5pm to about 11pm monday and yesterday.

got PAID and it was about 50 dollars more than usual.
got the best parking spot possible at school
the class i didnt finish my project for was cancelled
went shopping :) spring wardrobe, lame i know.
found out my EFC is 0, thank you independence.
went to the mall
went to bucks pizza for the first time
while there, the two-man acoustic band played sepreca...
saw a horse drawn carriage on nolana
got some free coffee.



and that's all well and good, but a really great day like that usually means im gonna lose it all again soon.
fck karma.

727


I wish I was edgier.
like, sexy nerd type thing.

726


ooo life is hard.
I don't know why, maybe it's hormones, but everything seems impossibly difficult right now.

I'm emotional, not in any good physical shape, poor as FUCK.
I need to keep my mind on school.
I would love to have enough money for rent. that would help a lot.
i feel alone.


/end bitching.
how pathetic.

725


holy crap.
did you know I could get $10,000 for selling my eggs?
wtf?
but id rather not.  i should look for psych experiments to participate in.


hopefully going to the beach sunday :)

i'm also a little worried about my old group of friends falling apart. everyone's far away but people are starting to get in trouble.
my only hope for our group is that everyone gets their shit straight, including me.

724


I don't think I'll be happy until I'm living alone.
And I regularly have something to do on weekends besides work.
I need a hobby.
And money.

723


so some super creepy guy told me i looked like jamie lynn spears last night.
um, alright.

what freaks me out is that most middle age men dont even know who that is, which just proves this guy loves 15 year olds, and thats fckn weird. lol.


ima go to the beach during SB before i have to work.
like wednesday.
to drink and be irresponsible.

lets go.

721

Clean up in aisle 6:
A bottle of self esteem
has shattered on the floor
and is now affecting my everyday life.

...

WHY??!?!

720


I had possibly one of the best days of my life today.
Starting from midnight:

Last night, Aldo and I went to Monster to hang out with all the Flesh-ers, heh.  It was Crack, Julie, Aaron, and Leah, who got drunk as FUCK. Lol, so that was fun.  I was the only minor, so I was the only sober one.  It was fun to watch.  And Aldo and his pimp fur coat 'mediated' my situation with a customer I had at Flesh who was creepy and touchy and staring at me from across the bar, lol.

Was happy when I woke up this morning.
After class, which I enjoyed for some reason, probably because I turned in my assignment on time, my dad picked me up and I GOT MY NEW CAR!!
 :)  Just in and out, finally, the process was finalized, and half the dealers came out and shook my hand and applauded. Ha I felt all special. 
So I came home, worked out at my apt's gym, then changed into my bikini, laid out by the pool, sat in the jacuzzi, and read :).
Came in, took a shower, drove to Flesh in my new car, talkled to Brandon and met Aldo there, GOT PAID, and then went to Khan's with Aldo.  Which I have been craving for WEEKS.

Now I'm home doing NOTHING. Perfect day.

719


dear lord.
does it ever stop?
for my own safety, im not gonna put this persons name. although,
i have a feeling i dont have to.


him: so now i'm just chillin for the week, although i have to do econ hw tomorrow
duthie411: ah
him: although i'm kinda happy cuz i got the highest grade in my test yesterday
duthie411: ha
him: i hadn't done that in a long time
him: for math
him: not since before IB
him: i think maybe once i beat liyan...
duthie411: ok i get it. youre awesome

718



some random person imed me and said this:


TheSharpestCoho: What makes a relationship a relationship, besides sex? How is it different from a friendship?
duthie411: who are you?
TheSharpestCoho: ...who art thou?
duthie411: k bye
TheSharpestCoho: ...ok
duthie411: if i dont know you, then why stay?
TheSharpestCoho: listen an educated poet...
TheSharpestCoho: ye sent me a carrier pigeon
TheSharpestCoho: ..
TheSharpestCoho: therefore
TheSharpestCoho: ye should tell me who thou art erst
duthie411: yeah... i didnt send you shit. creepy
TheSharpestCoho: bye

"Saying ‘I notice you’re a nerd’ is like saying, ‘Hey, I notice that you’d rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you’d rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?’ In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even ‘lame’ is kind of lame. Saying ‘You’re lame’ is like saying ‘You walk with a limp.’ Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he’s done all right for himself."

ha.

We’re not together.

Remember that.

Remember that next time you invite me over to watch movies and fall asleep with you.

Remember that the next time we spend a holiday together.

Remember that before you finish my sentence and make reference to a story only you and I know.

Remember that the next time you make me rub your back.

Remember that the next time you call me a slut when I hang out with other guys.

Remember that the next time we fall asleep together in your bed.

Remember that the next time your hand travels up my shirt.

Remember that before you tell everyone in the room you like hanging out with me because I always know exactly what you’re thinking.

Remember that.

716


Well I got in my first real wreck.

the guy in front of me stopped suddenly and i slammed on my brakes but i hit him going like 45

715


My first Creative writing assignment was to explain my life in 400 words.
Impossible, obviously.
But the girls in my "student workshop" praised it.
Said I should write more about how proud she would be that I have "overcome so many obstacles."

Please, ladies.  I did not let you in.
You read maybe 150 words about her.


I am Hemingway.
You get 10%.